Frankly mistaken

They have invented an alarm clock that's shaped like a hand grenade that you can throw against the wall and still won't break, but I can tell you that I don't hate my alarm clock that much. When it rings in the morning, I get out of bed without too much complain. It's probably because I am doing what I want to be doing, and my dearest Sofie is always there for me.
Sofie is my personal assistant, and she's an angel. Where are my keys, Sofie? They are right there beside your coffee mug, Donovan. Have you picked up my dry cleaning? Yes, I've put them in the closet for you. What am I doing at 3 o'clock? Your photo shoot is at 3 o'clock. What will I do without Sofie? I don't know, probably throw my alarm clock to the wall and watch it disintegrate and why Sofie didn't turn up to work and get me one of those hand grenades to throw against the wall.
I can smell coffee, and toast when I open my eyes. It is another beautiful day and I am ready for anything you throw at me.
“Good morning, Donovan. Do you remember what day it is?”
I need to rake my brain with ideas, and something magical has popped in my brain. It’s amazing that I remembered what I am going to do today. I know what I am going to do today, and I am going to be busy for three months.
“Am I having dinner with Abbey tonight?”
“Yes, you are taking her to Star Struck. I’ve organised your suit and transportation for tonight. Good luck, Donovan. They always get you to do the hardest part first, and you know what that means.”
I know exactly what she meant. I spent two nights in a hospital in Greece last time, and I had two stitches the other time in China. I had wounds to prove that I am a hard-working citizen. A lot of people think what I do is a piece of cake, but it’s not. I went through university working my butt off, and became a full-time waiter before I got discovered. Then I told jokes in front of kids, danced with ladies wearing pink tutu, jumped into icy cold water, walked for days in the desert, and finally got to where I am now. Yes, it pays well, but it is never easy.
“I hope that I don’t have to go to the hospital today. I hate that. They make a big fuss out of it and I look terrible on the picture.”
“But think of the nurses, Don. They are always very taken with you and give you extra jelly.”
“I hate jelly. Sofie, I think you enjoy this because then I won’t be losing stuff and you don’t have to work so hard when I am in the hospital when other people are taking care of me.”
“That’s true. You should get injured more often. I am kidding, Don. You better get moving otherwise somebody might not be so happy.”
Ed is a big softie, even though he seems to be angry at everybody all the time. In fact, I won’t work with him if he isn’t a nice man. He knows what he’s doing, and I have made many good films with him. Before I jumped into icy cold water, he was already in it showing me what I should do. When we were hot and thirsty, he didn’t cool himself off.
“Hi, Donovan, we are shooting an explosion today. Go see Betty. Ah, here comes Claudia.”
Claudia is the leading lady, and although she is as cute as a button, nobody really likes her. She has the softest blonde hair, impossibly long eyelashes and blue eyes that shine like lakes in the mountains, and a great dress sense, but she’s a bitch. I have never met such a bad-tempered woman before. Her personal assistant always looked hassled and sleep-deprived, unlike Sofie, always cheerful and pretty. She almost dropped her coffee on Claudia just now, and Claudia hissed at her under her breath, telling her to get out of her way and leave her alone. She clutched her schedule book and coffee and stood as far away as possible from Claudia, but still in her earshot so whenever she wants something, she can get them for her. What a poor girl. I hope she can find a better star to be personal assistant for, or better yet, become a star herself. She doesn’t have to take Claudia’s shit anyway.
“Good morning, Claudia. Are you ready to get blown up yet?”
“No, and I never will. Donovan, where did you find Sofie? Cynthia is useless; a log will help me out more than her. How much do I have to pay you to get Sofie to be my personal assistant?”
“I don’t think I will ever let Sofie go, she’s too good. However, if you don’t want Cynthia, I can take her off your hands. What do you?”
She looks at Cynthia for two seconds and nods to me.
“Fine, just be careful because she pukes, pours coffee on you when you want to drink it, forgets appointments, and is ugly as hell. In fact, I think I can live for one day without an assistant.”
No, you can’t, but I am not about to point out the obvious to her. I am too preoccupied with the coloured wires on the bomb to say anything intelligible.
“Which one should we cut?”
I concentrate on the bomb and ignore the timer and consider my options for a minute. If I cut the green wire, the bomb is going to go off and Claudia and I will be blown to pieces but this is a movie so no one will really get hurt. If I cut the blue wire, then the bomb is not going to go off and I save the day like the script. What if I cut the black wire? There was no explanation given on the script there. Feeling mischievous, I cut the black wire.
The timer stopped to count down and the bomb didn’t go off! Oh, Ed, you are a genius! He knows that I won’t cut the green wire and blue wire because they are just too boring.
“Cut, cut, cut. You have to do this again. Claudia, why aren’t you sweating? This is a bomb that’s going to explode. We are not in Fifth Avenue shopping or strolling in the Central Park!”
He hasn’t noticed that Claudia is somewhere very far away from here. I wonder what the Queen is thinking about, her next victim to torture, perhaps. I don’t think it matters. Just get back up from the dungeons, though.
Another bomb is on the table in five minutes time and we are back to the “Choose which wire to cut” competition. This time the Queen is concentrating on what she is doing and showing some signs of distress, she’s fidgeting, she is sweating, and she just can’t stay still while she’s looking at the diminishing numbers. However, just before I cut the wire, she screams and a mobile goes off somewhere in the studio. We have to start filming again.
Claudia is clutching at her heart and she looks like her world is going to end. I am sure she’s fine, and Cynthia, the loyal personal assistant runs to her Queen’s rescue. She has a water bottle and a towel for the sweating Claudia, but that’s not what she needs.
On a closer look, I know she is a goner. Her blue bullet-proof jacket hasn’t saved her life because the bullet went straight through her head. The last few minutes of her life were recorded on the camera, but I doubt that the killer was caught on camera. I just can’t help but survey the people standing beside the camera, including my beloved Sofie. They have stood beside the killer and they don’t know who it was. Someone had pulled the trigger on Claudia, but we don’t know who it was because no one was looking in that direction.
My life has just gone a little bit more interesting and the day’s filming has been suspended. A very distraught Cynthia is taken home by Ed’s PA, and the police is starting an investigation. I don’t know when we will be able to start filming, and Claudia’s murder will hit world wide media soon.
On the bright side, maybe I will get that vacation I’ve been dreaming of taking and go back home since I won’t be working for a while. They will have to find another actress as good as Claudia to replace her character, we will probably have to rewrite the script a bit to accommodate the new character and that can take months. I just hope this whole project can go ahead, though. I am looking forward to shoot another blockbuster.
“Donovan, what are we going to do? Are you going to take on Mellissa’s new project?”
“No, Sofie, I am going to take a holiday with Abbey from today. I am not going to work when Claudia is dead, that’s just wrong. I know what you are going to say, she’s not worth mourning, but I need a holiday. I don’t think I can start a comedy right now. I can’t make people laugh anyway.”
“Yes, you can, but if you don’t want to do it then I will organise it for you to go down to see your family.”
“I bet the police will want to talk to me. What do you say, Sofie? Did you see anyone suspicious?”
“I think everybody is suspicious, but it’s just me, Don. Claudia is not an actress loved by everybody, but who will hate her enough to kill her? I doubt that anyone in the studio is.”
“Also, if we finish this movie then everybody can go home and have a holiday. I don’t think somebody would be stupid enough to kill the leading lady. It will just delay the shoot and we won’t be paid. This is giving me a headache; I think I will sit down for a minute.”
“Good idea. I will get coffee for both of us.”
The smell of coffee revives my mind and what has happened today is played out like a movie in my mind. I was looking at the bomb most of the time, but if I had looked up then I would have seen the killer with the gun. I am probably the only person who can see who killed Claudia. With this thought, I shuddered. I can’t be the eye witness to a murder! Or, can I?
I don’t remember anything that’s remotely useful at this stage. Look sweaty, check. Look at Claudia, check. Look worried, check. Look at timer, check. Cut the green wire, check. It was the right thing to do, to remember what had happened in great detail, but I know that it’s beyond my intelligence. I just hope that I don’t come across as a schmuck to the police. I know I am not a smart cookie, but that’s ok. I’ve worked hard and that’s got me where I am now.
The police are using Ed’s room for interviews, and his desk has been tidied up a bit, making room for the files and the coffee that everybody needs in the morning. I think they have chosen a great detective for the job, she’s attractive, she can get you talking without too much stress and you might admit that you have done something wrong even if you hadn’t. She is like your next door neighbour, friendly and bubbly. She’s young, but I know she’s got brains.
“Bianca Otto. Good morning, Donovan. It must have been a big shock seeing Claudia dead. I am sorry that you have to see it, but you understand that we must make enquiries about this matter.”
“Yes, of course. What do you want to know?”
“It’s very simple. Can you tell me who was in the room when you are doing the bomb scene? Tell me the names.”
“Ed was there. My assistant Sofie, Cynthia, Robert, Miriam, Cole, and Alice were all there. Let me think…I think Tom and Scott were there, too.”
“That’s great. Have you seen anybody new on the set? Someone you have never seen before?”
“I don’t think so. Wait, I remember now, there’s this new guy called Sam. He was there. Of course, how can I forget? He is the writer.”
“We want to know more about Claudia. Does she have a boyfriend? What kind of person is she?”
“She is going out with John Summers at the moment, and if you read the magazines, you can find plenty of pictures of them together. They’ve been going out for three months now and I don’t think there’s anything bad between them. Claudia has got a temper, and she isn’t your run-of-mill goody two shoes actress, she is, with no better word, a bitch.”
“I get the impression from the others that she is not very good, too. Do you think that somebody can kill her for that?”
“No. I can’t think why. A lot of actresses are like that and none of them got killed over that. I don’t think that’s the reason. I can’t stand her, but I wouldn’t kill her. It’s not going to make my life easier.”
“Exactly, that’s why we are puzzled, too. Claudia’s death doesn’t benefit anybody. You guys lose a leading lady, her man loses a famous actress girlfriend, her family loses a daughter, the American audience loses a talented actress, and we are given a difficult task.”
“I understand. I am trying to think back who could have done it, and I just realised that I could have seen who shot her.”
“That’s not exactly true. From where you were, you couldn’t have seen the shooter. His or her angle was too high. In fact, the person who shot Claudia must have done it from this room because the trajectory was very high.”
“Shot from this room? What do you mean?”
“There’s a window at the end of this room and we believe that the window was opened at the time. Someone had a gun aimed at Claudia when you were doing the scene for the second time, and because she was standing behind you, she was the only person who can see the shooter. You were facing the other way, crushing above the bomb and looking down. You couldn’t see the shooter unless you turn around and stand up, facing the window.”
“I see, and anybody can get into Ed’s room. It wasn’t locked.”
“No. Somebody from the outside could have come into the studio and shot Claudia. That just made our life more difficult, but we will have to deal with that. Can you tell me about Sam?”
“Ed doesn’t normally use scripts from new writers, but after he read Sam’s script, he’s totally hooked. He has fantastic ideas and a great storyline, very realistic and interesting. Ed gets the writers on the set so they can discuss what changes can be made straight away.”
“Have you talked with Sam?”
“Not this morning. I have talked with him about the script before, though. After I have read it, I really like my character and I am glad that I was selected to play the main character.”
“I have also read the script, and before anyone is cleared everyone in the room is a suspect. You understand that you can’t leave the country without notifying us?”
“Yes. I am not going to run away. I plan to take a holiday out of town for a while, though. I don’t want to stay here. Is it ok?”
“That’s fine. Leave your contact details with us and we will contact you if we need more information.”
“I am sorry that I can’t be more help.”
“You are help enough. We have cleared up some facts here. Thank you for talking with us. If you remember anything, call me on this number.”
Bianca Otto smiles at me and starts drinking her coffee. I noticed that she is reading our script and the room has been searched. They have taken away the evidence in such short amount of time; the cops must have been working very hard.
Sofie looks a bit worried, but I am sure she will be fine. She nods to me after I sat down beside Ed. Ed is completely shocked. He is pasty and sweating, but I told him that he doesn’t have to worry about anything. It’s not as if he shot Claudia.
“No, I didn’t shoot Claudia.”
He looks like that he has and I am worried that he may tell Bianca something incriminating without knowing it himself.
“Of course you didn’t. You were too busy directing. Don’t worry about this, Ed. Just chill out and go fishing. You hardly ever have the chance to go fishing now.”
“That’s true. I am too busy working. I should take a fishing trip.”
He sounds convinced, but his face is still white. I hope he’s planning his fishing trip instead of worrying about the interview with Bianca.
“Ed, none of us could have killed Claudia. We wouldn’t kill her anyway, it’s waste of bullets.”
“I know I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but she deserves to die. She’s been terrible to everybody. I wonder when she got that way.”
Miriam will probably be the only person among us who can pull the trigger, but she was behind the camera so she couldn’t have done it. She loves hunting and was a shooting champion in her town. She doesn’t look worried at all. I don’t think Bianca can get anything out of her because she’s as straight as an arrow. She believes in justice. Robert is the sound engineer. He and Miriam are both from Texas, working their way up the film industry, they have been friends for a long time, and both of them have worked with us for a long time.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea talking about bullets, Miriam. The cop will ask you about your shooting record and guns.”
“Ed, I have nothing to hide. I have been hunting animals for twenty years and never missed. I have never had an accident before, either. If I want to kill Claudia, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to use a gun. The police will be onto me straight away. That’s why I never break the law because I know that I will be the first one who is under suspicion. Over the years, I never even have a speeding ticket!”
“It is going to take hours, maybe days. I want to get back to my girls.”
“Don’t worry, Alice. You can go after I am done. I am sure the police will let you go home.”
Ed offers Alice some reassurance. I think he’s not so worried anymore. Cole is sitting at the end of the roll, silent.
“What did she ask you, Donovan?”
Sam asked me what everyone has on their mind.
“She asked me who were in the room, and I told her. She asked me about Claudia, and she said that she was shot from Ed’s room.”
“Really? How do they know that?”
“It was the trajectory of the gun, I don’t know anything about that, but she said that it was too high to be from our level. It was shot from above.”
Miriam gives us a bleak smile.
“They are conducting the investigation from the room so they have got all the evidences out of that room, which means that they haven’t found much at all.”
“Does anybody know who may have killed her? Does she have any enemy?”
Everyone laughed at Sam’s question.
“It’s pretty hard to find anybody who isn’t. She’s widely hated by the actors and actresses, and the PA companies try to steer away from her. Her family and boyfriend seem to be the only ones who can tolerate her behaviour, and that’s just a handful of people. So what you should have asked was: ‘Who wasn’t Claudia’s enemy?’ The answer to that are her family and boyfriend.”
Sofie has walked out of Ed’s room unscathed. She smiles weakly to us and says that it’s Ed’s turn to see Bianca now.
His worry expression is back, but he turns to face everybody and gives all of us an encouraging nod before disappearing into his room.
“What did she say?”
“She didn’t say very much, just that the shooter was in Ed’s room. She is building a picture of Claudia’s life from us. I think we see her from our own eyes, and these information will help her put together the life of Claudia before she died, and hopefully, find her killer.”
Sofie is very smart. I don’t know why she